i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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