I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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