I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I intend to get homeless drunk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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