i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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