dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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