The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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