she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
