We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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