OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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