They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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