Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
