think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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