Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
