Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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