her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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