My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
