I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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