im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
