I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I love you. Go after that dick
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He shit in the fireplace
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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