I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
