I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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