He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
