it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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