i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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