she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
