Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
