Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
