Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
