Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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