what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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