I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
