forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
