Soap is not a condiment
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
