I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
