U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
