I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
