I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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