ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
