Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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