I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
