I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
