I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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