His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
