Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
