part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
