Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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