Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
