He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
