what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't put those talents on a resume
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
