his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
