she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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