i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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