my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
