Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
