fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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