So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
